I often spend hours in my room addictively scrolling through TikTok watching almost anything that’ll pop up on my screen; recently, I came across a post which broadcasted the question: is love a choice or a feeling? I felt urged to consider the question, my thoughts untangling as I searched for an answer.

Initially, upon hearing the word ‘love’, it can be acknowledged as peaceful. As complex. As rewarding. As challenging. As captivating. Those are things I can say, from experience, are true about love. It’s layered, and it’s an individual experience, catered to different people.

I would argue that love is innately something that you feel inside of you. Romantic love can feel like a fresh Autumn breeze and the crunch of fallen leaves (though this is extremely subjective if you aren’t an Autumn lover). Platonic love feels like resting in a warm bed, all cosy and peaceful (if you don’t like warm beds, I don’t think I trust you). Familial love can feel like trust-falling and knowing someone has your back.

From that, I would consider love as initially stemming from a feeling. Something warm inside and simultaneously something utterly destructive through its vulnerability. Sometimes upon a first meeting, you know if you are going to love someone. You can feel something take root inside of you. That is a feeling.

Although love initially begins as a feeling, it can easily dissipate if it is not built upon, Love transforms into a choice once the feeling has been established. The act of loving in itself must be considered because it’s not enough to feel those emotions, but rather you have to project, and spread them towards those you feel it for. This is the act of loving. The act of loving is a choice, and therefore reiterates how you must have some control over who you love. You can choose to not spread your love to someone. You can choose to neglect the feelings and disregard hopes for a further connection.

The feeling is required to promote the actions. However, the act of loving cannot be done without the feeling. You cannot love someone if you do not have any feelings for them. You cannot love somebody into falling in love with you. You cannot just love anybody if there isn’t a connection there. The choice cannot come before the feeling. But the feeling needs the choice to develop, and to flourish.

After pondering upon this, it became evident to me that love is centred around an initial feeling - however, you make the active choice to love somebody every single day. Love languages have grown in increasing popularity online, and are demonstrations of loving, and making that conscious choice. Love cannot exist without both being implemented together; ultimately, love is a choice.

Love is committing to someone, and putting in the time and energy to adore them. Love is telling someone that you love them. Love is braiding your sister’s hair. Love is home. Love is, primarily, a choice. What do you think?